The Essential Role of Your Partner During Labour and Birth: The Coach of the Day

When it comes to labour and birth, the focus is often on the birthing person—the player of the day—but your partner plays a crucial, active role behind the scenes. Think of your partner as your coach during this monumental event, guiding you, providing support, and helping you stay in the zone. While you’re the one giving birth, your partner’s job is to ensure the environment is just right, advocate for your birth plan, and offer the practical and emotional support you need to navigate the challenging but beautiful journey of childbirth.

In this blog, we’ll discuss how your partner can be your rock during labour and delivery—taking on tasks like managing your environment, keeping track of labour progress, helping with pain relief, and suggesting movement for comfort. Let's explore the essential roles they play and how they can help you stay focused during labour.

1. Creating the Right Environment: Setting the Stage for a Calm Birth

Labour can be an intense and unpredictable process. One of the most important things your partner can do is create a calm, comforting, and supportive environment where you can feel safe and focused. As the birthing person, you’ll want to be in the “zone,” and having the right environment can help you stay in that mental space. Here’s what your partner can do to help set the stage:

●      Lighting: Your partner can control the lighting in the room, dimming it to a soft, soothing level to help you relax and reduce the intensity of the experience.

●      Music: If you’ve planned to have certain music to keep you calm or motivated, your partner can ensure it’s playing softly in the background, adjusting it as needed to match the atmosphere.

●      Temperature: Your partner can monitor the room temperature and make adjustments as necessary to keep you comfortable—whether that’s adjusting the thermostat, providing you with a fan, or using blankets.

●      Aromatherapy: If you’ve prepared essential oils or other scents that help you relax, your partner can diffuse them throughout the room.

The goal is to keep the space as calm and comfortable as possible, allowing you to focus on your labour and remain centred.

2. Advocating and Enforcing Your Birth Plan: Your Voice in the Room

In the midst of contractions, you’ll want your partner to be your advocate, ensuring your birth plan is respected and your preferences are carried out. Whether you’ve written a detailed birth plan or simply discussed your goals with your partner, they can act as your spokesperson during labour.

●      Communication with Healthcare Providers: Your partner can communicate your wishes to the medical team, ensuring they understand and follow your preferences regarding things like pain management, positions, and interventions. If there’s a need to deviate from your plan, your partner can help you weigh options without feeling pressured.

●      Respecting Your Wishes: Whether it’s your desire for a natural birth, a specific pain relief method, or how you want the birth to unfold, your partner can stand firm on your behalf. They can gently remind the medical team of your wishes, ask questions, and ensure you have the opportunity to make informed decisions.

During labour, it’s easy to lose sight of your initial preferences. Your partner’s role is to keep your birth plan in mind, so you can focus entirely on the physical experience without needing to navigate the details of decision-making yourself.

3. Monitoring the Progress of Labour: Keeping Track of Contractions and Patterns

As labour progresses, your partner can be instrumental in tracking the progression of contractions, helping you understand where you are in the process. One of the most effective tools your partner can use is a contraction timer app, which can help them track the timing of each contraction and the time between them. This allows you to understand when you're "resting" and when you're "working," helping to keep you in the right mindset during the labour stages.

●      Monitoring contractions and Recognising Patterns and Progression:  Your partner can use an app to track the duration and frequency of each contraction. Tracking the contractions like this allows your partner to identify if the labour pattern is stalling (we go into detail about this in the course). If they notice that the contractions aren’t increasing in frequency or intensity, they can suggest things to help get things back on track, such as changing positions, walking around, or using other comfort measures. This can keep the labour progressing at a steady pace and help avoid unnecessary delays.

●      Resting vs. Working: Knowing when you’re "resting" versus when you’re "working" helps your partner to better support you throughout the process. During the resting periods, your partner can encourage relaxation, hydration, and mental preparation, while during the "working" periods, they can help you stay focused on breathing, positioning, and managing pain.

This type of tracking helps both you and your partner stay in sync, ensuring that you’re aware of the stage you’re in and able to make any necessary adjustments.

4. Pain Relief and Comfort: Offering Support When You Need It Most

Labour pain can vary from person to person, and the level of intensity can change quickly. Your partner can play a critical role in helping you manage this pain, using various techniques and tools to provide comfort.

●      Massage and Physical Touch: One of the simplest yet most effective ways your partner can help is through touch. Gentle massage on your back, shoulders, or feet can provide relief during contractions. (more on this in our pain relief tools!)

●      Applying Heat or Cold: Heat can be a great tool for pain relief. Your partner can provide heat packs or a warm compress for your lower back or belly. Alternatively, they can use a cold compress to cool you down if you're feeling overheated. The right temperature can be soothing and help with relaxation.

●      Breathing Support: During labour, breathing techniques can help manage pain and anxiety. Your partner can help you stay on track with your breathing, encouraging you to take slow, deep breaths, or reminding you to focus on your breathing as contractions intensify.

●      Positioning and Movement: Your partner can encourage you to move into different positions that may help relieve pressure, aid in pain management, or facilitate the progress of labour. This could include walking, swaying, kneeling, or leaning on a birthing ball. If you're at a hospital or birthing centre, your partner can suggest positions that help you feel comfortable and support you physically as you move through the process.

5. Emotional and Mental Support: Keeping You Focused and Calm

Along with physical support, your partner’s emotional support is equally important during labour. Childbirth can be overwhelming, and having your partner by your side to keep you grounded can make all the difference.

●      Words of Encouragement: Your partner can offer constant words of encouragement, reminding you of your strength and resilience. They can be your cheerleader, offering praise and comfort when things feel tough.

●      Staying Calm Under Pressure: Labour may not go according to plan, and there may be moments of stress or uncertainty. A calm and reassuring partner can make a huge difference in helping you stay focused. Your partner can remain composed and confident, helping you stay positive even in difficult moments.

●      Physical Support: If you need a hand to hold or someone to lean on, your partner can be there. They can offer support when you need to rest, helping you adjust positions or simply providing a comforting presence.

6. Supporting During the Second and Third Stages: The Push and Aftermath

Once the baby is ready to be born, your partner's role shifts to supporting you through the second stage of labour—the pushing phase. Here’s how they can help:

●      Providing Encouragement During Pushing: As you prepare to push, your partner can help you focus, remind you to breathe, and encourage you every step of the way.

●      Post-birth Care: After your baby is born, your partner can help support you during the third stage of labour (delivery of the placenta) and assist with initial bonding, helping to facilitate skin-to-skin contact or assisting with breastfeeding.

7. Discussing Preferences Before the Big Day: Ensuring You’re on the Same Page

One of the most crucial things you can do before the day of labour arrives is to have open and thorough discussions with your partner about your preferences. A well-prepared partner will know exactly what you want and need, which can be incredibly reassuring when labour begins.

Here’s what to cover:

●      Positions and Comfort Measures: Discuss which positions you want to try during labour and what comfort measures are most helpful to you (e.g., massage, heat packs, specific movements).

●      Pain Relief and Support: Talk about your preferences for pain relief (whether you plan for natural methods like breathing and massage or are open to medication) and how your partner can help you with these strategies.

●      Music and Environment: Let your partner know what music, lighting, and ambiance will help you relax. Whether you want soothing music, nature sounds, or something energizing, your partner can ensure it’s all set up to keep you calm and focused.

●      Words of Encouragement: Think about what kind of emotional support you want during labour. Do you want your partner to be upbeat and motivational? Or would you prefer them to be more calm and soothing? This is a personal preference, and discussing it beforehand can help your partner respond the way you need in the moment.

The more you and your partner talk about these preferences ahead of time, the more confident they’ll feel in their role on the big day. It allows them to take charge of the details and support you in a way that aligns with your needs, so you can focus fully on your experience.

Final Thoughts: The Teamwork of Labour

While you’re the one going through the physical journey of labour, your partner’s role is vital in making the experience more manageable, empowering, and positive. As your coach for the day, your partner’s support, presence, and active involvement can be the difference between a stressful and a calm birth experience. From creating the right environment to tracking labour progress and providing pain relief, your partner’s support will allow you to focus on what really matters—bringing your baby into the world.

In the end, childbirth is a team effort. You and your partner are in this together. With the right mindset and preparation, you can both navigate the adventure of labour and birth as a powerful team, with your partner by your side, cheering you on every step of the way.